“Going to the Dr.” Narrated by Elmer Fudd

Posted in anxiety, random with tags on December 22, 2009 by Anoush

Yestuwday, Anoush went to the doctaw faw a physicuw. They wanted to dwaw bwud and do some tests. Thing is, hew veins awh vehwy vehwy hawd to find, so the nuwse moved the needuw awound, twying to find a pwace to dwaw bwud fwom. Anoush sqwuwmed while she lied down on the doctaw’s chaiw, gwabbing onto the end of it. The nuwse untied the stwappy wubbery thing from hew wight awm and tied it to hew left one. She gave her a squishy baw to squeeze and use to twansfew all hew anxiety and stwess into. It wukked. The nuwse swapped Anoush’s weft awm a wittle to get a vein to pop up. It did. Wuckiwy she was able to dwaw bwud fwom hew left awm.

When Anoush fuhst walked into the office, the nuwse asked if she had any food in hew system. She wepwied, “I onwy chewed gum.” (Twident Passionfwoot) And the nuwse wooked at hew in a disappwooving way and said, “Wemme ask the doctaw if it’s ok.”

Then Anoush said, “Awe you fucking kidding me?” She waited in the woom faw the nuwse to come back. It fewt wike she waited faw howuhws (hours).

Eventuawy, the nuwse came back and said it was awight. Thank Gawd.

At weast she took it wike a man. Stiw… doctaws fucking bwow.

Bewow, pwease wead the song I sing to wighten the mood.

Read more »

Hey, pornbodies!

Posted in anxiety, random with tags , , on December 15, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s the thing. I’ve loved Boris Karloff all my life. He is, dare I say, the man. He appears in a lot of my dreams.

Click Here to read a monologue unrelated to Boris Karloff. Unless he’s into the idea of narrating it.

Read more »

Some Weirdos For You

Posted in random with tags on December 10, 2009 by Anoush

More?

Read more »

Monologue

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on December 3, 2009 by Anoush

Here, read this.

SCENE
A man speaks:

“I don’t believe in witches – I never did and worrying about ‘em’s just a waste of time. And for the record, I rarely use words like, “Enchanted.” NOTHING’S enchanted – good and evil don’t exist. Jealousy does. I mean, every once in a while you’ll run into someone who wants your heart on a plate (or in a box) but for the most part, people just wanna be left alone. Here’s the thing – she’s WEIRD, ok? And it freaks me out. Also, speaking to animals as if they’re human is the dumbest thing in the world. That’s why when we found her passed out upstairs, I knew she’d be nothing but trouble.

Read more »

Project Extrovert

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 1, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s a survey.

Fill out this fun 20 Fresh New Questions Survey and then share it with your friends. (Outstanding!)

How do you think the world is going to end? I’m not sure. I sure as hell won’t be around for it. Or? Someone’s gonna be stupid and blow something up.

What do you think is the most annoying sound in the world?
1. Scraping silverware against a plate
2. Smacking your lips when you eat, wake up, or anything.
3. Scraping nails against a blackboard.
4. Crying children and the parents who had ‘em.

Read more »

Russell Brand

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on November 30, 2009 by Anoush

I got Russell Brand’s “My Booky Wook” for my birthday back in June and rolled my eyes as I opened it because I’m not supposed to like Russell Brand. Even though I liked his stand-up a lot. ‘Cause if the people whose opinions I value/need to match don’t like this person, well, then I can’t like this person either. I’m an elitist. If I liked someone that people-I-think-are-great didn’t like, well, then… that’s like how my mom loves Kathy Griffin, right? I was wrong, though, and spent so much time pretending. Hell. I love him.

So, fuck you all, s’all I’m saying.

*He and I are born on the same day.
*We’re both good with our hands.
*We’re both very flamboyant.
*We’ll not be changing.

Reality

Posted in anxiety, random with tags , on November 28, 2009 by Anoush

Also:
Read more »

Fakkkkk you.

Posted in arguments, random on November 27, 2009 by Anoush

The folks who made these cookies got beaten up a lot in high school and never learned.

Drawings

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on November 22, 2009 by Anoush

Food

Posted in random with tags , , on November 19, 2009 by Anoush

The brain is a delicacy in some cultures. Not the human brain, but I’m really bad at drawing seals and sheep.


Other stuff, possibly related. (But probably not)

Read more »