Something

I do this thing where everytime I leave a place (Leave people) I always make friendship bracelets for each person. (Actually I’ve stopped doing that for about 8 years, maybe 10) but if we could take a moment and analyze, would it be fair to say that I need people to remember me? It’s more that I want the specific ones to remember/know that they’ve made an impression. A lot of string and weaving (GOOD WEAVING!) becomes involved in trying to let a certain party to know that I exist. It’s not as sad as that, though.

I remember one summer I traveled with 25 people and my friend and I hated about a third of the people. The last page of my journal was reserved for individual, hypothetical letters to each of them. (You know what I mean by hypothetical questions, right? Yeah.) Kind of reflecting how each of them has changed my perspective of the world (and none of them were mean.) I thought that was fucking profound of me. No one except me would read these – my friend would’ve thoughtI was nuts. I swallowed this all like oatmeal and just let it, you know, make me a better person.

Make-believe letters are great. An example:
“Dear *you*, Maybe I wouldn’t sound so angry all the time if you’d just get off my back about me being such a negative person. I’ll play the chicken and you can dress up as an egg and we can see which comes first.” (This is a bad example.)

Last night’s worry: What if I wake up and I’m blind? It didn’t last too long. But jeez.

He whispered, “I’d kill myself if i looked like that person,” when a gawky guy walked into the pizzeria. (What a horrible way to think – and how similar the sayer and I are.) Are we shallow people or do we just not believe that anyone will give the rest of ourselves a chance?

And, read the news: Horrible things happen at the beach. Apparently the best thing to do with your free time on a beautiful day (from the conversations I’ve eavesdropped on) is to go to the beach. The beach is nature. It’s flinging yourself into … massive human-eating nature. I like breezes, and I like beach smell, and I like water. Just… That’s horrible.

I had a dream last night where I was watching cool, blue water on its way to splash me in the face – Oh my God it was beautiful. Five seconds into it, a big, pointy shark came swimming up through the blue-ness.  (Dedicated to all you people who think (all of) nature is beautiful.)

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