You ever think, “Wow, I’m so gonna rock your eulogy!” then think, “Wow, did I just say that not-out-loud?”

I don’t think she’s depressed – I just think it gets lonely at the top. (That girl) I think she’s having the time of her life. See, I have this thing about girls, well people – i think they all have it made if they’re not me. Well, not ALL. I mean, the weird, annoying guy (who’s not even cute-annoying) does NOT have it better than me. He will do horribly with the ladies and I don’t even waste time talking to him because there’s no challenge. But mostly, mostly, people have it better than me and have their lives pretty much set up nicely. Well, except for those people who have no money, and those people who are being killed, and those people who hurt themselves. (Maybe those people who hurt themselves DO have it better than me – maybe they’re rich.) Not that riches mean they have it better, but riches definitely bide some sweet ass time.

(Different Everything – totally unrelated)

I watched my mom angrily empty a dishwasher (our dishwasher) this morning muttering – no, shouting – about how no one in this house gives a shit and how she can’t come back home to this. You think that’s rough? Try seering a small square piece of fish on a pan (a good piece of fish, a nice pink piece- none of that fish sticks crap) in ten minutes in time for your doctor’s appointment after work, amid the mess you so spoke of earlier this morning. Eating it, and realizing that it’s still a little undone but it’s salmon, so it’s ok. Poached in water, water angrily bubbling around a quivering pink square. Not sitting down. Laundry everywhere. Dishes everywhere. He’s at work, HE’S at work, SHE’S on the train (probably about to call me soon) and I have to be somewhere else. And then putting ON the dishwasher (that she is emptying) and leaving to go to the next thing. AngerBabe asks if i’m going to be home for dinner as if I’d want to consume food after this massacre. I’d rather eat in the town’s Deli basement with stray cats that I’ll name Sheherazaad and Bunny (WASP-cat). It’s fun. It’s so much fun. It’s so much fun that I think i’ll write a book about it with pointers and interviews and a picture of me with glasses, bangs pulled to the side, high cheekbones and a blazer.


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