I was watching a quick plastic surgery routine done in a school janitor closet by a good-looking male teacher with flowy hair. He was sewing up a really pretty girl’s face and once it was done, she turned over and went on her hands and knees. He was going to do the final surgery which was to break in her back and upper butt (to break the bone so that he could sew it up properly i.e. like the way you have to actually break the nose in order to perform the noseJOB.) So he took a long axe-like tool, I pretended to know in my dream, and swung around to get momentum and banged her in the back. She was like Wow, I didn’t know that would hurt so much. He kept going. Then he put the axe-like thing down and got something bigger. The axe-like thing was red. This thing was silver and had a clamp at the end, although it wasn’t necessary – the clamp. He kept going. I left before I saw the final results.


In twin lakes, I was waiting for Jack Skellington to arrive so that we could introduce the notion of Christmas town in the living room. IT was snowing outside and I was waiting in the kitchen with the older, blonde secretary from I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE and she was telling me about her acting endeavors. In my dream her name was Desilu. Nina was there, Auntie Karen and Uncle Karl were there. Helen said she’d be showing up any minute. I got my feather boas and my long black wig. Nothing happened. They brought a box of fruit and I counted how many apples there were so that I could plan for the next day or two. Weird.


I was looking in a yearbook and all of a sudden I saw a picture of a giant shark mouth. It was rounder than the usual point, triangle shark mouths we see in movie posters, but it was still frightening. I thought of the whale in pinnochio and how that thing scared me more than any puny Mufasa stampede. There are these huge animal-eating-machines out there and no one’s doing anything about it. The shark was surrounded by smiling kids.


(No Dream)

So sad today – todays. Like, so much that if they said, Ok, all you workers can go home – we’re closing early today, I wouldn’t want to go home. I wouldn’t even want to sleep even though I know I should. Or I WOULD sleep but fall asleep to thoughts such as, “It’s not ALWAYS gonna be like this.” But it is. That’s what happens to people who wish. Things stay the same. At least I’m doing stuff, though. At least I’m creating stuff, well, at least I’m doing.


I feel unclean and uncomfortable, even though I showered twice yesterday. Like my hair is unbrushed, my pants are wrinkled and I shouldn’t be wearing sneakers with this outfit. Not that anyone’s looking, or judging. As long as my face looks alright, I’m ok. I woke up at 6 and the hours I experienced before actual work had a life of their own. Even if I were wearing the right outfit, it wouldn’t make me feel better. I’d still feel enormously hungry and lethargic and would still have nothing to want to do after I got home after work. So, why dress for the occasion? I know that you deserve the misery you put yourself though – like, if something’s bothering you about yourself, change it. Ok. I’m just tired and I don’t want to change anything. It’s more like I have no energy for it, and what it might take to GET some…well, I’m not ready to make that jump.

I don’t know. Just, don’t cry at your desk today, k? Awesome. Be in touch.


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