If I may be a 5-year-old for a minute…

Hi. I had Halloween last night. I worked at Gino’s until 8 and it was fun (well it’s always fun, but) this time a few of us dressed up and they saw what kinds of stockings I own and wear on a normal basis. The girl who answers phones with me had to leave early and that scared me ’cause I thought Gee, maybe i won’t be able to catch that show-slash-party at UCB. But my boss let me leave and i ran home, changed into those super high high-heels and walked to catch the train. I felt throw-uppy because I was nervous about my show the next day (tonight.) <- graduation show. But I ignored it – I’m going to have a good Halloween this year as a pose to last year when I was in a bar on my street drinking alone, not being able to stay over at Purchase and the ones I had here already had nets that they traveled with. So this year i HAD plans and I have friends or people who feel inviteworthy towards me. So i push myself. I get to the 10 o’clock show, put on a poncho and get sprayed with blood. I liked the play a lot. Then I realized the afterparty didn’t start til after like 1 o’clock which is NORMAL. Which is very PARTY TIME. In the audience I had to get up and throw up in the bathroom. (Nerves) I didn’t know what was next so i walked back to Penn station – a place where I could disappear and where throwing up in a public bathroom wouldn’t be something novel on such a night. So i spent a few hours there, missed the 1 19 deliberately because I felt like I should push myself. Hold it in. You want this night to happen. Do it for Johnny, man.

PS: the costumes were great. I love Halloween. Even if girls dress up as sluts – high heels are pretty, ok? I didn’t even get annoyed by drunkenness. I was more like, HEY, IT’S ZEUS!

So then it dawned on me that even if i went to this thing, i wouldn’t be able to get home until 4 30 while I had this virus while I had this show the following day (today.) Crying, frustrated, Unsure, sad, i called a relative to please pick me up. When first answering the phone, they thought I was in trouble (Raped, beaten up, the works) but I was just sad. False advertising, or something. Well, i felt SILLY is what i felt. I spent the remainder of the evening being driven home by a relative who lived closer to the city, to a front door, to a mother with her loss of voice screetched out: “Did you have a nice time?”

Then I see all these high school friends with their facebook photo albums all dressed up and smiling. I wonder…. Nah, it was probably better off to take these nerves home when I did. I’d probably throw up on all of them, too. I should’ve been like Hey! what’re you guys up to tonight? Dressing up? Whoa, me too!

At least I have tonight, says my innter 5 year old inner mermaid. Hopefully I let some of life happen withouth throwing up on it.

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