Something New

And that’s when my inner Charlie Sheen says, “Your problem is you.” Then i go: “EXCUSE me?” “Excuse YOU.” And look ahead again, scrunching my mouth to the side. I’m fighting against being a human screensaver. Ass-to-Fire, everyone. Let’s go. Notice the cute burns on my bum, figuratively speakinguhhh.

When Friends tell you advice – give you advice, give’s better – you should listen. Listen DOUBLE if they’re boys. Don’t have to TAKE it, just listen. Just make sure they got enough back story. N told me that I should try being / letting myself be a girl for a little while… see how it goes. And not scare people away with my t-t-toughness. I said Maybe i don’t know no-maybe – I’ll be just like the rest of them, then. Give you license to make all those jokes. He knew what I meant by Them, too. I didn’t mean Women – I like the Women. I meant… them.

And it made sense cause the response was, “True…” The Constant-Sex-And-The-City referencers. The 90% unfunny sex. The girls who ask men “how was your day” a million times and say expressions like “treat myself” and “Shoe Fetish” as if it’s daring and Oo-la-la. (Shoes are great, though.) Giggles about such things give me this nag feeling on the back of my neck. Nor can I stand women who announce: “I get along sewwwww much better with men.” All I say to that is “…issues.” How ’bout “I get along better with people who don’t drive me insane and make me second-guess myself all the time.” <- Not something you bring up at a cocktail party, but maybe over a quiet game o’ Gin Rummy.

* I’m not a women-on-women hater. But it’s easy to just say I HATE THIS – I HATE THAT. As an arrrrrrtist, I’m saying, as an arrrrrrtist. I would like a good bunch of heroes. I have one, no two, who I admire – find funny – find SMART, but I’d like to add.

So, somewhere in between. It’s harder than you think. What blows my mind is that the LESS ready you are to bite someone’s head off, the STRONGER you are. Actually. Actually. Also, I’m brilliant.

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