Something

“Cause, cause i mean i always kind thought i was alright, but when you nod like that, and say it that way without saying it at all (even though I can’t tell if that’s what you really meann cause i still don’t really trust people), well… it gives me some kinda energy to work with.” 

I’m scared of a lot of things, i’ve come to realize. FREAKED OUT. Then other things, ehh not really. That’s pretty standard, i’ve found, with humans, but I surprise myself with what does scare me. Things that shouldn’t. And the things that should? Don’t. I’m more afraid of someone thinking i’m too emotional and that I’m just being silly than, say… bats. Or rats. Or rodents. I fear bugs, but not rodents. I think that’s a strength. I’m more scared of the idea of being handled. I’d like to know where that originated  from so i can crush it and stop it from growing.

I read this short story from an Alfred Hitchcock book of … short stories where this woman thought everyone was hiding something from her. Her sister was sick, sure, but she died on a day everyone was out except for the maid and all the doctors told the woman to stop worrying about things that she can’t control. Long story short, the daughter in law was the one who gave the sister the wrong pills so that she and her husband (and stepchildren) could move to Europe without worrying about the sick woman. (She was a pain in the ass, the woman, and no one really missed her, but being killed is wrong.) 

So i guess… being ready for anything is a … um… GOOD thing. Gets tiring after a while, though. I’m not afraid of bats. I have stories. Not that I have to, ya know, prove it or anything

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