Lemme tell ya why I suck as a salesman.

It’s ok, just quit bitching about how you can’t sleep anymore. it’s getting old. Maybe you should send some kind of signal, let ’em know it’s not real heartlessness – just the pseudo-trying-to-be-something’ness. “You’re obsessed with reaching some kind of ultimate, waiting for that big ohhhh nod? while you sit there, working on 6 of your unbaked dreams.” Oh, that’s me talking to myself. Ah but little do I know that there are so many OTHER things to be angry about – not the usual self-things. You must open your mind.

You have to give more, the voice tells me. Giving will make your heart bigger/warmer. Ah, but here’s the thing. I’ve given. Been all warm. Be all warm with things, then they just start rotting cause all living things do when they’re left out for too long. So i kinda, you know, lose faith, kinda. If you want to call it faith. I say, What about Channeling? I’m a good channeler ’cause out-of-the-blue Givers are… too easy – I won’t be easy. What I also WON’T do is be a Giver while I have this semi-rotten heart. “Uh… uh, Here. this is for you. There ya go….yeahhhh… I know it LOOKS all black and rotten but I’m supposed to be GIVING, so… yeah water it and watch it grow. Like one of those tablets that grow into spongy animal shaped things. Aren’t we better now that we’re all giving people?

The voice angers me. Well, first it shatters my ego. Then it makes me feel gluttonous, and self-indulgent as if I ENJOY the uh… feeling. Gross. Vomit. It’s easy to be heartless… It’s because people with hearts have no power.

If I may use a Wizard of Oz analogy here…
Audience: “Booooooo” A beer can almost hits me in the face.
I say, If i may use a Wizard of Oz analogy here..
Audience: “Boooooo” I throw a chair back at them & they get quiet. Maybe they call a cop. Whisper: I never liked the tin man. Made me really uncomfortable. I’m scarecrow-and-lion-happy. Also fearful, nervous, silly people are just too wrapped up in their own stuff to worry about hearts. It’s why we get along.


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