Nothing

Like, like, like, I read this play two years ago when a female character walks into the kitchen back at home and tells the people (can’t remember which relatives they were) “You know that feeling when you don’t wash your hair for a while and your head begins to hurt?” And.. I HATED THIS LINE SO MUCH. First, I thought it wasn’t helpful to the story or to what the scene was about. Second i thought it was the playwright trying to make her character do some kind of mini standup routine to make the audience react all: “Well I’ll be damned – your head DOES hurt!” I thought it was whoredom in the form of play. Then we ran out of shampoo this week and I hadn’t washed my hair for two days – no, a day and a half. And i’ll be damned – your head DOES hurt. So maybe I was being a little harsh? Maybe not. I know it doesn’t look this way, but I think i think I’ve lightened up about a couple things. I’ve relaxed about things I have very little control over. In the last 12 months, I think (Just glancing at my pie chart) I’ve gone a hair closer to “OK.” (KNOCK ON WOOD. DEAR GOD)

I also don’t mumble motherfucker that much anymore.

I enjoy not being able to see the skeleton of a joke. When I can see the bones, I feel uncomfortable. I know real-life people who do routines on me all the time and I can see bones and they scare me. You see “funny-attempt” in visible form. Somethign I hate about myself, so……psh why not dislike it about other people? I’ve seen very little skeletons lately and I feel kinda safe and laughing, kid-like. When you claim to know every bone of a joke, it means you’re cynical. (I should write that down – for myself, for myself – i won’t put it in a play or anything whory like that.)The comedians I say I hate, i’m usually jealous of. Most. Except for a couple, who i can’t unhinge myself wide enough to find funny. But mostly, I’m a supporter. (Like a bra.)

Unrelated, maybe related: A fear of mine is talking/emoting and then being asked to please shut up. Also, being thought of as mushy. Being thought of in that way is .. i dunno… a real shame, especially if I’m not. Not that it matters what people think – but you care every once in a while, you know? And if you don’t, you’re a lying motherfucker.

xoxo

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