Archive for February, 2009

I’ve got it

Posted in Uncategorized on February 25, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s advice for something, but i’m not sure for what. Innocence maybe, or a strong heart or… creativity. <- Creativity, that’s the one.

Go through each day as if you’re watching Planet of the Apes (the original) pretending you don’t know the ending. No matter how many times you’ve seen it. You pick up so much. Do it in moderation, like once or twice a year. More than that, and you’ll go insane.
—————–
Totally different~
Dramatic Fantasy where I play myself:

I get into a fight, verbal and i’m winning, but not really – it’s a fight – no one ever really wins. Deep, right? yeah, well.

It calms down for a sec.
Then the person says: “WELL, FUCK YOU!”
Then I say: “Fuck you, WHAT.”
Then he/she says: “FUCK YOU…uh… Anoush Froundjian.”
Then I say (pointing my finger): “That’s right!”

End.

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I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple days. It BLOWS MY MIND

Posted in Uncategorized on February 24, 2009 by Anoush

Conversations or sit-ups for my brain. Core muscles.
———————
what’s going on?

i’ve been having a hard time. not work related
i’m unable to compose myself. my eyes are red
I was like this since 9 pm last night

whoa
what’s going on exactly?!

nothing
nothing
i don’t have any courage
i can’t even have conversations with people cause i’m going to burst into tears and at the same time i can’t be by myself, but I want to be. I don’t fucking like anyone anymore

Yeah I’ve been there man

I should write a screenplay where someone says “Hey, don’t go dyin’ on me – that would really bring me down!” and i’ll highlight that one line and write 102 other pages of screenplay to make it appear like it’sa movie. (I don’t have any people to unleash this crap on)

interesting idea
well dont say that
you have more friends than me. I have ONE FUCKING FRIEND here
I hang out with her
that’s it
for a reason
I can only stand her
I dont want the company of anyone else

yeah but you’re supposed to say:
It’s ok
I’m your friend
Don’t feel that way.

Clearly you dont know me very well

hah

I’m not much for company anymore
I have nothing to say
I’d just make you worse

i doubt that
I have no desire to do anything anymore
see anyone
be in my house, be out of my house
Also? friends who get each other
can help each other

I’m the same way

i’ve met soo many people who claim to understand but then drop off the face of the earth. so i’m stuck watching Sex and the City with everyone else.
and trying to fit in
awesome
awesome
awesome

That’s just the thing

these people who ‘claim’ to understand are probably bullshitting me. But it’s my fault I think.

They’re probably just fed up with life
they dont want to see anyone
at least
thats how I feel

I want one fucking good conversation – in person you fucker.
you don’t seem that fed up with life
i mean if you were, wouldn’t you at least want to try to make it better?
I am.
Or want to
i’m fed up, but i sorta have faith
i need some goddamnit

nah I’m pretty content. I like going home to my room. When I leave this place it’s just me. and I like it that way

well good, i guess
you’ve found your niche

there was a time where I would die for some human contact
but I’ve long given up on humanity
No one was there for me for so long
so now I dont care

really
am i stupid?
that i have this faith?
probably

by the way
you’re not stupid
like I said, I wanted the same thing for the longest time
I just chose to give up
Being alone with my thoughts for such a long time really helped me realize that all I really have is myself
sad as that sounds

No, it that sounds normal
what i should be like.
but i feel like i might die if i let this be like this for too long
cynical, hateful
i might die
or i’d rather die, i guess
sometrhing like that

well I wouldn’t call it hate
it’s more like…I just dont care
very Zen
like a whatever happens happens and I dont need anyone attitude

you do, though
no wait ,maybe you don’t
you did

I really dont
I did
not anymore
even She knows
I tell her all the time I could care less if we were together
mean?
maybe
but she should know

you mean not together,

I’m indifferent

wait you mean like altogether together, or not. or physically spending time together

like dating
it doesnt matter to me
if I’m not with her I’d be with someone else
or no one at all
it doesn’t matter

Wow.
that’s … in a way? I kinda like that
i’d be like that if i only didn’t doubt everything i did so much

If anything you’d
be more free
not worrying all the time if you’ll ever find “the one”
or whatever

oh god, i don’t worry about that
The One’s are gay
Those are the ones who want to have children and buy dogs and stuff.
I’m not looking for happily ever after
I just want Anoush Happy Time.
So, how’d you do it?

It’s a mental thing. One day in the shower I just decided this is how things have to be
I cant keep crying about not finding people to confide in
because that person doesn’t exist
no one really gives a crap about you
and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can move on in life
Now I’m on top of the world because I could give a shit about what people think

you sure?

most definitely

what’s happiness for you?
what would it be?
cause happiness for me is a world where you can eat gummy worms for dinner, but then i realized i live in that world already and i still hate it. And I would never eat gummy worms for dinner anyway

Happiness for me is going home to an empty house, sitting down with a cheeseburger, and watching South Park
Ha

I don’t like being happy. Cause I always feel guilty afterwards.

see the difference is I don’t care

Everyone was out of the house
last night and it was just me
i watched Next Friday. Then after it was over,
I stood there in the middle of my kitchen thinking wow
i have no ambition
not ’cause of next Friday

Almost everyday I go home watch the simpsons and cruise the internet
it makes me happy
really happy
fuck I LOVE watching the Simpsons and cruising the net

well I Love Lucy is happiness
for me
absolute bliss

well there you go

And 3rd rock from the sun

You should just go home one night, watch Lucy, and eat some damn gummy worms
I do what I like at least once a week

Names

Posted in Uncategorized on February 22, 2009 by Anoush

I have a friend named Nandita who I used to hang out with a lot in Middle School. So, anyway, fast forward ohhhhh 11 years later, and we all hear a voicemail prompt saying ‘hi you’ve reached Nandita”… pronounced NUN-dit-ha. And, Huh? We’ve been mispronouncing her name for 11 years?

Fast forward to a couple months later, when I see her in person at a friend’s apartment and say, “Why didn’t you ever correct any of us? Or our teachers? Or anyone?”

Cause I can say the correct pronunciation well – really well, i think. No wait, now I’m self conscious cause now I’ll think that she’s gonna think that I have to pronounce it correctly or I’m doing it to prove a point and it’ll make her more uncomfortable, and then she said, “You can call me Nun-dit-ha if you’d like.”

I go, “I bet, i bet you just didn’t want to bother anyone and i bet you didn’t want to look like some proud person who demanded to have her name pronounced nothing but correctly and THAT’S why you held back. Also, Nandita sounds really pretty anyway so why make tons of peple change their ways.” <- Not said world-for-word. The girl is so dynamic and incrediblet o even have to think twice about inconveniencing anyone. I mean it’s not like she’d have to go correcting PE teachers, Asst. principals, etc. But us?

I don’t correct those who stress the second syllable. That’s uhhh annoying (for me/ for them, and also? not really worth it.) What’s in a shname, right?

But? I tell ya when I hear my name pronounced the right way? Like the way my relatives say/said it? Being all first-syllable-happy? MMM! A reaction similar to Chris Rock’s. Another thing? When they ask what it means instead of/before what it is – Goosebumps, wiggly spine.

Another discovery made after the lab tests i did on myself (And this is just for me, or anyone who wants in): Saying you don’t care about how it’s pronounced is just a cover – Another version of running away from something. (And it’s not about nationality.) If my name was Hammer, and everyone pronounced it like, Ham-MER, I would/should probably correct them. I mean, I think it’s pretty straightforward. Unless they ask you, “What Hammer Store are you from?” Then it’s definitely about nationality.

More things I don’t like. Daily Purge. Also, sorry.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 18, 2009 by Anoush

– When they say “What happened” when what they really mean is just “sorry, what did you say?” or the old, mom-and-pop, “Huh?”

-The overuse of “Sick!” or “Tight” or “Legit!”

-When they say “I hate the holidays.” I bet you also hate getting sad, getting the flu, or TV commercial breaks. (Boy, when’re you gonna find your crowd?)

-Parents who give long explanations to their kids when they should just say No. (The kid’s one year old, he doesn’t know what’s going on except that his parents are easy to manipulate.)

-The overuse of the word, Fetish. It’s gotten fat with overuse and lost its punch. You don’t have a shoe fetish – you just enjoy going shopping for shoes.

-16 year olds who have blackberry’s (Blackberries?)

-When they order a bunch of entrees at a restaurant and share. That’s ridiculous. (Also, communism)

-Thinking movies like Girl, Interrupted are cool, when they’re really really just sad.

-Boston’s “More than a feeling.” (Peace of Mind is better.)

-(On that note) Guitar Hero (Gears of War is better.)

-When they think Breakfast at Tiffany’s is a movie about a woman who likes diamonds.

-Most of MTV

-Carlos Mencia

-Unoriginal ethnic humor

-Going on trips with large groups of people

-When they lick their fingers

-The sound of smacking lips (when a person wakes up, or worse while he/she’s chewing.)

-Songs like Please Don’t Stop The Music. I don’t like the melody – Also, If the music she sings about is THAT good, well, then I wanna hear THAT song instead.

-Brunch

-Appearing vulnerable/weak.

-When moms buy lunch from restaurants (like pizzerias) for their kids to take to school. It’s convenience plus luxury. Treating them, treating them, treating them. You know what I wanna see? A suburban mom buy a kebab sandwich in a pita for their child to take to school. See the friends he makes with THAT.

-Victoria’s Secret – Yes to Fashion show / No to Store. (You can get a sexy bra anywhere and also? Sexuality isn’t pink-and-white-striped.) I used to work there and watch women go through bins of sexy bras, fishing for the kind of woman they THINK they should be.

-When they say “The book was better.” (I know… common thing to dislike but I only bring this up so I can say: I Found the movie Jaws a lot more entertaining than the book.)

-When they pronounce “Thank you” as if it were “Thenk Yew” (more common for girls than boys.)

-Confusing racism with enthnocentrism. (both are bad news, but they’re different)

-When they say, “I’m such a nerd” or “I’m such a dork.” Cause it leads me to say, “I
don’t believe you.” They either want attention or really think they suck in some shape or form. Why limit the self-degrading to wussy words like Dork and Nerd, then? Why not go all out?

-Strangers who don’t break eye contact after you’ve accidentally made some (eye contact.)

Uh… sorry.

Something

Posted in Uncategorized on February 17, 2009 by Anoush

The part that makes sense:
I had this realization walking from or to something with purpose the other day. it was cold, my hands were in my pockets holding onto now-warm coins when my inner mono said, “I bet… I just bet the only person/thing (noun) that can make me “ok’ is myself.” How horrible. How fucking frightening. And How awesome. (The message, AND the fact that i’m hearing voices.) A short pause when I actaully really listened, then i changed to the next song on my ipod and continued walking. After that, I said, Ya know? BOY you’re a pretty smart motherfucker. No, no, no YOU! Then i didn’t think about it much.

Then I went to my great-aunt’s house in Queens to visit my cousins. We were talking about, i don’t know, why “she’s” so upset and how “he’s” the way he is – but mostly why “She’s” feeling so… and my aunt looked at me (she speaks while moing her hands, her fingers are long and soft) she says, “I’m gonna tell you this once. If something’s wrong, if you’re not liking something about yourself – you fix it. Don’t wait for anyone (anything) else.” More and more until someone asked to pass the salt and pepper. I had to interrupt all excited like, OH MY GOD, You heard the voice, too?

Some of the things I dislike. Done from memory.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 17, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s a list of only some of the things I don’t like. A kind of exercise I did with my mouth half-open, waiting to take out those whitening strips. (I’ve never used them before – I was a little scared – teeth are finite.)

– When people claim that they like thong underwear because it hides panty lines OR claim that they’re so comfortable. (They’re not comfortable – they’re sexy. You wear ’em cause they’re sexy – and that’s… ok.)

-Eating Disorder Awareness week – Let’s observe an issue that’s existed since the Ancient Greeks and hope it goes away.

-Dancier remixes to already great dance songs.

-Hearing a person cough A LOT. (I feel uneasy for the person and irritated at the same time.)

-People who say the most famous line from a movie in an attempt to sound cool and clearly believing that that’s the best, most memorable part of the movie – i.e. “Smokinnnn.” (Suggestion: Kate Winslet’s “DAMNIT” line in Titanic when she’s yelling for help in the third-class level of the boat. Look for non-mainstream in the mainstream, and life will be so much better. And it’s not just quoting it – it’s using it in normal slice of life situations where no one except the OTHER freak who does this will recognize it. “It’s gonna rain today.” “DAMNIT!” <- “Hey! That’s that line from Titanic!” “That’s right!”

– People who when taking a swig from a bottle, stick their tongues out (sort of) into the neck of the bottle. Tongues aren’t necessary for this action.

– Hanging skin.

-“Target.” <- when it’s a one-word answer to a non-question. Ex: “Nice Bra.”

-The overuse of the word, Debauchery.

– Facebook photo albums whose titles are things (supposedly said) the night of the photo-takings.

– Zagat Food Rating Guide

-Barefoot Contessa.

-Excessively large Starbucks drinks.

-People with loud laughs who also laugh at everything.
– FM stations that spend the mornings with talky celebrity gossip people.

– People who have to tell you the foods they can’t eat or are disgusted by.

– Expressions like “this is SOO not what i etc etc.” aka the improper use of “so.” 90’s sitcom lingo used on 2000 tongue. Gross.

– The song, All the Single Ladies.

– The expression, “Spring Break.” <- The world is filled with weeks to spend doing crazy things. You don’t have to bottle it up for that cold week in March.

– The boner everyone gets for Eternal Sunshine.

Unhealthy Bums (it was gonna be Unhealthy Yums, but that sounds too cutesy and that’s not what we’re about.

Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2009 by Anoush

You know what else I hate? I looked at my old livejournal account that i used to write in – wrote in it A LOT. I’d write these things, earlier entries, where I’d give my 2 cents about everything. Analyze feelings, figure myself out. I read it and thought “Gee, what a cunt you were.” Spending all that time analyzing things and for what, really? Who cares how good you are at analyzing and cutely giving insight? You’re this energetic person who is pretty much just trying to be a normal human but who can’t for some reason. Wow so… in…sightful. Unless it was passion i was writing with – that could’ve been it and that kind of changes the argument altogether. It definitely could’ve been passion. That makes me feel better. But when it’s just you and your brain, and the voices telling you you’re a cunt, well, gets tough sometimes, ya know?

Half the stress I experience is my own fault. Sucks cause i know it won’t change til i do something about it. I like being unhealthy (only some-most-of-the-time.)

I did this thing where I wrote down most of what happened at the pizzeria actually while I was there. Like, in the moment – instead of writing from memory. I used to do that more when i first started then stopped. So i wrote and wrote and came home and uncrumpeld all the tickets I wrote on and rewrote. Then i realized how much of the day I forget by the time I get home. Also, It’s not always so funny ALL THE TIME. It’s… lifey. Kinda cool. I got paranoid and went back into the trash can and ripped all those mini papers up just incase someone saw them, people in my house, garbage men, or if the trashbag ripped outside because of the raccoons and little papers with thoughts flew allover the streets. How a small town could massacre me with laughter or ridicule for having such a… I don’t know, progressive mind? Also, hence my fear of talking, emoting too much and having stuff bite me in the ass or laugh at me later on. I rewrote before I ripped up, so i’m good.