Unhealthy Bums (it was gonna be Unhealthy Yums, but that sounds too cutesy and that’s not what we’re about.

You know what else I hate? I looked at my old livejournal account that i used to write in – wrote in it A LOT. I’d write these things, earlier entries, where I’d give my 2 cents about everything. Analyze feelings, figure myself out. I read it and thought “Gee, what a cunt you were.” Spending all that time analyzing things and for what, really? Who cares how good you are at analyzing and cutely giving insight? You’re this energetic person who is pretty much just trying to be a normal human but who can’t for some reason. Wow so… in…sightful. Unless it was passion i was writing with – that could’ve been it and that kind of changes the argument altogether. It definitely could’ve been passion. That makes me feel better. But when it’s just you and your brain, and the voices telling you you’re a cunt, well, gets tough sometimes, ya know?

Half the stress I experience is my own fault. Sucks cause i know it won’t change til i do something about it. I like being unhealthy (only some-most-of-the-time.)

I did this thing where I wrote down most of what happened at the pizzeria actually while I was there. Like, in the moment – instead of writing from memory. I used to do that more when i first started then stopped. So i wrote and wrote and came home and uncrumpeld all the tickets I wrote on and rewrote. Then i realized how much of the day I forget by the time I get home. Also, It’s not always so funny ALL THE TIME. It’s… lifey. Kinda cool. I got paranoid and went back into the trash can and ripped all those mini papers up just incase someone saw them, people in my house, garbage men, or if the trashbag ripped outside because of the raccoons and little papers with thoughts flew allover the streets. How a small town could massacre me with laughter or ridicule for having such a… I don’t know, progressive mind? Also, hence my fear of talking, emoting too much and having stuff bite me in the ass or laugh at me later on. I rewrote before I ripped up, so i’m good.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: