I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple days. It BLOWS MY MIND

Conversations or sit-ups for my brain. Core muscles.
———————
what’s going on?

i’ve been having a hard time. not work related
i’m unable to compose myself. my eyes are red
I was like this since 9 pm last night

whoa
what’s going on exactly?!

nothing
nothing
i don’t have any courage
i can’t even have conversations with people cause i’m going to burst into tears and at the same time i can’t be by myself, but I want to be. I don’t fucking like anyone anymore

Yeah I’ve been there man

I should write a screenplay where someone says “Hey, don’t go dyin’ on me – that would really bring me down!” and i’ll highlight that one line and write 102 other pages of screenplay to make it appear like it’sa movie. (I don’t have any people to unleash this crap on)

interesting idea
well dont say that
you have more friends than me. I have ONE FUCKING FRIEND here
I hang out with her
that’s it
for a reason
I can only stand her
I dont want the company of anyone else

yeah but you’re supposed to say:
It’s ok
I’m your friend
Don’t feel that way.

Clearly you dont know me very well

hah

I’m not much for company anymore
I have nothing to say
I’d just make you worse

i doubt that
I have no desire to do anything anymore
see anyone
be in my house, be out of my house
Also? friends who get each other
can help each other

I’m the same way

i’ve met soo many people who claim to understand but then drop off the face of the earth. so i’m stuck watching Sex and the City with everyone else.
and trying to fit in
awesome
awesome
awesome

That’s just the thing

these people who ‘claim’ to understand are probably bullshitting me. But it’s my fault I think.

They’re probably just fed up with life
they dont want to see anyone
at least
thats how I feel

I want one fucking good conversation – in person you fucker.
you don’t seem that fed up with life
i mean if you were, wouldn’t you at least want to try to make it better?
I am.
Or want to
i’m fed up, but i sorta have faith
i need some goddamnit

nah I’m pretty content. I like going home to my room. When I leave this place it’s just me. and I like it that way

well good, i guess
you’ve found your niche

there was a time where I would die for some human contact
but I’ve long given up on humanity
No one was there for me for so long
so now I dont care

really
am i stupid?
that i have this faith?
probably

by the way
you’re not stupid
like I said, I wanted the same thing for the longest time
I just chose to give up
Being alone with my thoughts for such a long time really helped me realize that all I really have is myself
sad as that sounds

No, it that sounds normal
what i should be like.
but i feel like i might die if i let this be like this for too long
cynical, hateful
i might die
or i’d rather die, i guess
sometrhing like that

well I wouldn’t call it hate
it’s more like…I just dont care
very Zen
like a whatever happens happens and I dont need anyone attitude

you do, though
no wait ,maybe you don’t
you did

I really dont
I did
not anymore
even She knows
I tell her all the time I could care less if we were together
mean?
maybe
but she should know

you mean not together,

I’m indifferent

wait you mean like altogether together, or not. or physically spending time together

like dating
it doesnt matter to me
if I’m not with her I’d be with someone else
or no one at all
it doesn’t matter

Wow.
that’s … in a way? I kinda like that
i’d be like that if i only didn’t doubt everything i did so much

If anything you’d
be more free
not worrying all the time if you’ll ever find “the one”
or whatever

oh god, i don’t worry about that
The One’s are gay
Those are the ones who want to have children and buy dogs and stuff.
I’m not looking for happily ever after
I just want Anoush Happy Time.
So, how’d you do it?

It’s a mental thing. One day in the shower I just decided this is how things have to be
I cant keep crying about not finding people to confide in
because that person doesn’t exist
no one really gives a crap about you
and the sooner you realize that the sooner you can move on in life
Now I’m on top of the world because I could give a shit about what people think

you sure?

most definitely

what’s happiness for you?
what would it be?
cause happiness for me is a world where you can eat gummy worms for dinner, but then i realized i live in that world already and i still hate it. And I would never eat gummy worms for dinner anyway

Happiness for me is going home to an empty house, sitting down with a cheeseburger, and watching South Park
Ha

I don’t like being happy. Cause I always feel guilty afterwards.

see the difference is I don’t care

Everyone was out of the house
last night and it was just me
i watched Next Friday. Then after it was over,
I stood there in the middle of my kitchen thinking wow
i have no ambition
not ’cause of next Friday

Almost everyday I go home watch the simpsons and cruise the internet
it makes me happy
really happy
fuck I LOVE watching the Simpsons and cruising the net

well I Love Lucy is happiness
for me
absolute bliss

well there you go

And 3rd rock from the sun

You should just go home one night, watch Lucy, and eat some damn gummy worms
I do what I like at least once a week

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One Response to “I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple days. It BLOWS MY MIND”

  1. real conversation or internal one? Curious who you are speaking to; if it is an internal construct, it is an interesting one.

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