Crazy allover

And out of nowhere? A short-form thought now in long-form:

I realized that Ikea is “Idea” with a K. It’s too little a thing to tell anyone in person and too big a thing to just keep to myself. I dont know how to handle it – the discovery – but it IS a place that gives ideas, right? It’s not like a bookstore or clothing store cause THEY don’t make you wonder what it’d be like to start from scratch. Books and clothing, well, you kinda know your style when you walk in and they either have what you’re looking for or don’t. Not like you see a dress and think, Wow, this is NEW… the way it wraps around your body ‘n stuff. And even if it IS different from the other dresses you have, you’ll be different for the five hours you’re wearing it, then you can – ya know – take it off.

But with these rooms, with these “Could be’s” it’s dangerous. You walk into a room and think You know? I could live here. Or you walk in to a room and think, I could NEVER live here – I’d clearly have to be a man and gay. Maybe I *am* a man. Maybe I *am* gay.. Or “I can’t live here, I don’t own a blackberry and cheat on my wife.” or “Hey I could live here – it’s FILLED WITH BALLS! AND SMELLS LIKE SWEDISH MEAT(BALLS)!”

They should encourage customers to eat Ikea food in the actual display rooms where the customers have to do their own cleaning and counter-top scrubbing so they know what it’s gonna be in real life. They should encourage you to use the toilets and have the pipes burst. They should encourage the shopping couples to sit in a demo dining room (table covered with coffee table literature (People/nytimes/Real Simple) and give ’em a test social interaction. A test dinner with friends. They won’t have anything in common (at first) but sooner or later they’ll talk about the internet and one of them would have to be on Twitter and soon they’ll all be efriends and…CARE. Or one half of a couple will find another half attractive and it’ll ruin EVERYTHING. So now you’ve created some REAL LIFE.

Have one of the kids (Who really doesn’t want to be there – why would you bring a young child to this store? Anyway…) Have one of ’em run in and spill grape juice from their sip-it cup on the white rug and watch how SINCE it’s a store and not a person’s actual house, the kid’s parents’ll actually reprimand him. Now mommy and daddy have to buy this awful rug and you made them ANGRYYYY.

In the end though, the store makes children more humble, and parents more willing to tell ’em when they’ve done wrong. And also? They drive home happy with a new carpet with a purple stain, which if you look at it THIS way? Kinda looks like a Lady Bug or New Jersey. And we make art.


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