“Wouldn’t it be so much better if we were dudes?” should i have said yes? No. I didn’t disagree, I didn’t agree. I said “Sometimes.” (But isn’t everything better… sometimes?) I mean, it would be easier at first. I like my brain, but hate my upperbody strength. So If I could be THIS headstrong AND be able to lift things without having to load it onto a wheely thing first, then I’d be set. Oh, if I could also not be afraid of appearing vulnerable, that could work, too. I think I’m over the whole ‘being a man’ thing. You guys are funny though. Guys are funny sometimes and sometimes I just want to laugh. WITH you, not AT. Once in a while, though, once in a while, though I’ll challenge you to emptiness. Like, you think YOU can be empty? You don’t even KNOW empty. WATCH. Then I start believing it. “Hey, you (you, meaning me) You were Being Empty A LOT back there. You might wanna tone it down cause you’re really starting to… flake away.” The warm weather’s doing something awesome lately though. I have now-hot fingertips. It’s like i got these new, warm hands and I haven’t the slightest idea what to do with them, especially when I walk. Like, where do I put ’em? I’m so used to pocket-stuffing, holding onto warm change and whatever else is in those…pockets. Now I kinda just… glide. Feels beautiful. All this “pleasant” And i have NO idea what to do with all of it. And I’ll channel that, I promise. It’s definitely the weather. If we were in the middle of winter, and I were writing this, I would already be saying FUCK or FAGGOT. But I’m not. This is good. Relaxing is a good thing. (When one does it in his/her own time. I hate the word, though. It’s used too much as a command.) I drove home yesterday and I didn’t need music. I wasn’t thirsty – didn’t want/need ANYTHING. The warmth makes THAT much of a difference. Energy. I might have to not be here in the winter. I consider living in LA within the next 2 years or year and a half. It’s an idea. It’s an energy. Respect it. I don’t have to act on it yet, but let the idea be an idea.


2 Responses to “Pleasant”

  1. did i say wouldn’t it be easier if we were dudes? i think that sounds like something i would say. but yeah, i agree. life is just hard, regardless of who you are. sometimes certain things make it harder, but that doesn’t mean the other party doesn’t have it’s own handful of problems.

    i hope you do move to LA! mostly for selfish reasons. i also like to think that you would like it, but i have no idea. haha. i might try to go back to NY at some point too… this won’t be the last time our paths cross, at least!

  2. I’d be going for selfish reasons, too 😉
    I’ll be crossing paths A LOT.

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