Archive for May, 2009


Posted in anxiety on May 31, 2009 by Anoush

“The indecisiveness that you feel in regards to certain issues is likely to become amplified quite a bit today. More than likely, you will find yourself going to extremes from one side of the scales to the other. Work with this energy by recognizing the beauty in both situations, putting your mind aside, and letting your heart be the final judge. It will probably be something beautiful and comforting that ends up catching your eye.”

Yeah? Well FUCK you.


Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2009 by Anoush

-How many garlic balls come in an order?
-Do you mean garlic *knots?

I heard the word Barbecue nonstop this weekend from people I didn’t even know. C’mon.

Posted in anxiety, Happiness, random with tags on May 27, 2009 by Anoush

Wrapping my brain around it – why. Why I dislike “barbecue” so much. Not the item, uh appliance, but the I don’t know, the afternoon’ness of it all, the picnic table’ness of it all and OHMYGOD it’s general OVERUSE.

Reminds me of excess and paper plates and napkins and short-shorts and flip flops and sunburns. Reminds me of early bird specials and JUST MORE THINGS that are supposed to be calming that I still haven’t gotten the hang of. I like certain parts of the afternoon outdoor activity: I like… patios and jokes and the sounds of crackling fire (in a safe way) and then the – oh my god maybe I’m crazy.

I enjoy the word more as an appliance – not so much as you know, a social event. That’s another thing. I like the act of grilling, but I wish we could find another word for the whole… event.

As a child, it was this big, ballsy word that I associated with danger, fire, things that were bigger than me, and men with cigars and my girl-cousin with the leopard shoes who’d always be in charge of grilling. Ok. So we have that, right? My general understanding of the word. So we have barbecue *appliance and barbecue *event (ugh) and there’s one more thing: the barbecue *flavor. The barbecue flavor never made any sense to me. ‘Cause it’s not a meat-flavor, or I-don’t-know… grill-flavor, nor is it a smoke flavor. It’s usually-chicken or chips plus some artificial ….. thinggggg. Some pretend flavor that I will not be a part of. I know someone who loves barbecue sauce SO MUCH that he/she (staying away from pronouns) puts it on stuff that hasn’t even been grilled. Kinda weird right? Excessive? Cause that’s what the word is.

* Grilling-events in the evening are better. With some contra dancing. Or any kind of line dancing, really. And music. I have the same feelings toward “Clambake” and most cocktail parties held in the afternoon. (ew) I think it might have to do with the time of day, ’cause I tend to relax more at night. Even though I’m a diehard fan of the sun.

In closing:

“Stove-top at my house on Saturday – save the date.”
“Come to my Sunday Microwave – bring your bathing suit.”
“So’m I gonna see you at my July 4th Toaster?”
(Actually? Toaster sounds good as an event, doesn’t it?)

Ahh the word still bothers me and don’t call it “Bee Bee Cue” – makes you sound like an idiot.

If I said these things out loud in this order, it might cause an awksville explosion.

Posted in anxiety, Happiness, random on May 21, 2009 by Anoush

Finished “Female Chauvinist Pigs” last week and I’m not angry. It’s ok. But you girls had BETTER FUCKING shape up!

Every time I hear a Ne-Yo song, I think of my cousin. I told her that and she agreed that – yeah – that would make sense. Love.

I’m gonna throw you against a wall til you realize how lazy you’re getting. Til you stop only thinking about how people can do things for you. Maybe you’re not lazy. Maybe I’m an awful person.

I haven’t been to our country house in a year. I doesn’t really make a difference to me. I’m going up this weekend. I’ll bring Francisco and take a lot of pictures of nature and my family. (Francisco is what I named my camera years ago. After Pablo Francisco – I’ve had this camera for a while. People look at it and say “Oh this reminds me of the first camera I bought.”)

The way to draw a good caricature is to find the one weird thing about the person’s face and make it exagggggggerated, I’ve been told. Funny. Like finding the “game” of the face. I draw all the time now afraid some authority figure will see me and/or bother me. Nice to have your hands hurt for new reasons.

She heard me say Fuuhuuuck You under my breath. To her. But not TO her, cause it was under my breath. But my “under my breath” is louder than I thought. Damnit. Sorry. Sorta.

Being an adult is being able to get over your whatever and just doing things. (What I said.)

Being without a train ride to the city this weekend bothers me. Bothers me. “I’m really glad you’re gonna be there, though.”

A coworker burned me a Holly Golightly CD. As a present. As a present. This stuff is great. I want to tip toe on a patio barefoot to this great stuff. A flowy skirt.

A certain person I actually listen to said I need to find a hobby where I use my brain less.
“I’m thinking of starting a comic.”
Yeah but that’s intellectual. I’m talking about something more freeing.
And your comedy thing is good, but you need something else. You have a REAL neurotic streak that cancels out all the confidence I heard from you a minute ago. It’s how all of you are. (Geminis) And you’re inbreeding.
“I know. It’s awful.”

It’s like, It’s like if I miss something because I’ve been too neurotic or dependent on the LIRR to realize? Then it’s like I’ve missed it forever.

I don’t take things with grains of salt. Those things are fucking weird.

So, downstairs? by the vending machine? The guy’s loading sodas right? And he gets this phone call and starts Brooklyn-accenting into the phone while his other hand on his hip. He paces. He yells something about who was supposed to buy the tickets. Now. It sounded like the tickets were for something more womany than man-y. Didn’t sound like a guy-guy convo. Sounded like they were for tickets for something he didn’t want to go to. So he’s yelling at this person on the other line. (I was hoping it wasn’t his female companion cause it was rude. kinda like I’m-workin’-here!) Even if it was just a guy on the other end he was talking to, it still would’ve been rude. So in my mind, I told myself that the person he was on the phone with did something horrible to him when he was a child and that’s why he’s got the ‘tude. OR? Last night the person on the phone threw a tantrum where he/she threw all kinds of things in his general direction. Dinner, plates, forks/knives, a vase, and now he’s just PISSSSSED. It worked. BUT on the flipside? I don’t like getting calls from ‘loved ones’ while I’m at work either. So, i guess me and this vending machine guy ‘get’ each other.

So other job, other coworker – He leans against the wall and he talks while staring out, eyes fixated on something-but-nothing, like thinking hard. —– So, during my break, I was walking? (Yeah?) In the woods. (Which woods?) The one by the Macy’s. (Ok.) And there was this couple. (Uh huh) And……. they were makin’ out!

Found it hilarious.

I didn’t sleep at all last night and that frustrates me like you wouldn’t imagine. COULDN’T, Couldn’t imagine, I mean.

Posted in anxiety, random on May 18, 2009 by Anoush

I’m afraid if I start talking, I’ll start liking it and I won’t stop and I’ll turn into a Maury (Not Povich). If you don’t know what a Maury is, all you have to do is rent or watch your copy of Goodfellas and keep your eye out for the… uh… Maury character. The guy talked and talked and talked. And you know what happened? He got fucking killed. Killed by suave, dreamy Robert DeNiro. So the message I got from that movie, besides don’t do coke, don’t be a mobster, was SHUTTTT UPPPPP. I’ve been assured that I’m not a Maury but I don’t trust living things. Also? I think there are a lot of people out there who talk (about their feelings) WAY more than they need to, and I guess I’m trying to keep the world at a balance. I think. I don’t know. Maybe it’s something else. Oh-My-God, this apple is so crunchy and this office is so quiet. I don’t have the kind of crunchyapple confidence yet to be like Yeah, this is me and this is my apple – deal with it, people, humans. I mean, the guy over there has crunchy doritos… THAT’S something, right? So loud I can hear what flavor they are. I hate air conditioning but it’s good for drowning out noise. ANYWAY. I don’t know. I’ve just gotten ok with opening a can of soda (multiple cans) amid the silence so at least I know I’m getting somewhere.


Posted in anxiety, random on May 14, 2009 by Anoush

I’m drawing more stuff – and not so much like a horror-film-child.

Daily Purge

Posted in anxiety, random on May 14, 2009 by Anoush

I’m not a fan of the ones who say “I don’t like people.” Cause that was cute’n all back when we were in, I dunno, high school/some college but now? It’s kinda like, “Well…huh… that’s gonna be a problem, isn’t it?”

I prefer “I don’t like assholes.” It’s much more progressive and optimistic.

Stop hanging out with people who remind you of yourself (In the BADDDDD way.) Cause if that happens? Runnnnnnnnnnnn.

Reminds me of a joke I heard from a comedian I can’t remember. Guys with ponytails are either folk singers or rapists. So, if you don’t see a banjo? Runnnnnnnnnnnnn. I think it was Demetri Martin.