Archive for June, 2009

Imagine two brothers

Posted in anxiety, random on June 30, 2009 by Anoush

– So, how’s the hot writer doing?
– Actually, I’ve been taking a break lately.
– Ah, the old writer’s block, eh?
– No… just
– If one of my employees told me, “i’m taking a break, I’d fire him.”
– Well I have my job, still.
– Yeah.
– Sitcoms aren’t really..
– What?
– Sitcoms aren’t really in, I don’t know, demand now, or
– (oh-my-god)
– What.
– Traffic. You should write a whole movie but just make it about traffic in the city. No main character. Movies are getting artsy like that, you know?
– I know. Right, cause anyone can write a screenplay.
– Even that stripper writer. That’s why you should use the Traffic idea. It’s original. No one’s done it before. Then you can thank me when you win the Oscar.
– (Yaaaaay Happy Time!!)

I made it up.


The Dogs

Posted in random on June 22, 2009 by Anoush

I dogsat, you know? So I became a dogwalker and apparently? There’s this whole culture of dogwalkers who have so much in common – you know, like with the uhhh leash and whole left foot right foot thing and they talk about the weather and what they feed their dogs and they all eventually become friends and OH MY GOD JUST LIKE SMOKERS!

The dog’s name is Puppy, and her original name is Pontoof. Puppy for short. (The name of Anuk’s imaginary friend in Chocolat, which… i found funny cause what if I was named after Anuk. I wasn’t, but you know? That movie could be “us.”) On my last walk with Puppy, as we were about to enter the house, this older, distinguished-kinda man walked up the street and the dog barked and ran up to him. This little cottonbally dog became some kind of attacker. I held the leash and the man said, “Make sure you hold her.” I couldn’t hear him clearly over of the barking. He held out his hand in a calm, ‘Please maintain your distance’ way. His hand had a rolled-up umbrella in it, so he was really holding out his rolled up umbrella at me and the dog to maintain our distances. Like we were both dogs.

“Excuse me, did you say Make sure you hold him?” as in, “Hold him? As in the thing I’m already doing?” (The dog is a girl, but remember: choose your battles.)
“Yes. Make sure you hold him.”
Right. Yes. Ok. Doing that.
“That dog bit my wife… here.”
“THIS dog?”
“THAT dog.”
Distinguished man with umbrella turned around and walked away. The dog was still barking. Maybe this dog is me in… dogform.

For my internal audience

Posted in Happiness, random on June 15, 2009 by Anoush

-I rip *what*?
-Well, FUCK off, then.


Posted in Uncategorized on June 11, 2009 by Anoush

It’s a huge turn off when you say Sporadic in a sentence about gum. It’s ok to like Clueless, just don’t bathe in a giant vat of it.

A funny thing happened at the end of Sunday Night

Posted in anxiety, Happiness, random on June 9, 2009 by Anoush

So ok we’re all sitting around the table in her back yard. Everyone with their drinks, bringing the uneaten desserts back incase anyone wants any. Some friggin’ amazing conversations, I tell ya, no sarcasm, and some silly – but good-silly ones, too, you know? Until we all saw a frog. I didn’t care. Frog’s a frog, right? ‘TIl it hopped from the corner over there to under-the-table when all the girls screamed and I got scared-more- from the screaming and/or maybe the frog’s crawling up my leg. I don’t mind creatures – but mind when they’re crawling on me. But it wasn’t a creature, it was a human hand wrapping around myankle – someone playing a trick on me, eyyy? With all the shreiking, commotion, possible creature-crawling-up-my-leg, I kicked away and said, “Don’t touch me!” The shrieking replaced by laughs. “Did you just say, ‘Don’t touch me?'”

Yeah. Yes I did. In an embarrassing, angry-Miranda-from-Mrs.-Doubtfire way. And I never understood why women were written to say stuff like that in movies – never made sense. Sounds like a kindergarten thing to say. But it was the first thing I could think of short of, “OH MY GOD! SOMETHING’S ON MY ANKLE AND THEY’RE SCREAMING LOUDER THAN THEY NEED TO AND THIS IS NO TIME TO TEST MY PATIENCE!” I wish movies would have agitated women say stuff like that instead of the “Don’t Touch Me” riff. I was embarrassed and in my mind, I’ve become the prissy, high-heeled eye-batty woman with her purse on her lap. So, Yes I said it. First time, too. But got me thinkign – how much I hate being touched and not the hand-around-ankle touch. That’s ok, fine. It’s the badtiming of it all that makes me cringe. And, Don’t Touch Me is funny.

What I absolutely can’t stomach and it happened a lot the other day is the close-talky-touch. Even if it’s someone you like (a lot). Not romantic, just normal. But that… close, talky, close, slow moving, getting closer ughh… (I can’t even speak I’m so ughhh) that close sideways hug or slow spooning, but-still-standing (usual female-female) and ALWAYS done to me while I’m thinking hard about something important and/or extremely agitated when thisssss close talky touchy spoony woman (who loves me, who I love back) does thissss cradly thing where I feel her face on my face and her breath on my neck and face and neck and OH MY GODDDDD. I WILL get violent. Or do that snappy-shimmy thing where I reclaim some of my distance and dignity, smiling, smiling of course. A closed-mouth smile. Or pretend it’s ’cause I’m ticklish and must move before I have a tickle attack that I’ll have to make up on the spot because I don’t really know what a tickle attack is.

Do NOT do the gently touchy thing with me for the love of GOD. Depends on who you are and timing. Oh my GOD, you know what? It’s timing. That’s what it is. It’s not human contact I hate, it’s bad judgment. Use your brain, cause you don’t have to be a surgeon to know that if a person’s deep in tought, the ONE thing that will bring him/her back to reality (*AND* in happy spirits) is NOT your slow, I-can-feel-your-breath contact party. Teach this in schools! Teach this in all schools! Teach it to girls who think they’re helping their friends or rescuing them from tears or sadness orr… You know what I do when I see someone upset? I let them get it out. Cry. Express. Only if i want to turture their souls will I do the gentle-hug thing on them.

“Hey. Yo.”
“Hey… I, uh, Yo.”
“You OK?”
(The part where you don’t hug.)
“Want a soda?”
“Awesome, stay right there.”
“Haha ok.”

OMIGOD, was that painless or what!

My Headdddd

Posted in anxiety, Happiness, random on June 8, 2009 by Anoush

– You know what I think? – What’s that? – I think you actually had a good time this weekend and you don’t know how to FRIGGIN’ handle it. – I think you could be right.

– Are you talking the way you’re thinking? – Yeah, I think so. – Should I be scared? – NO! be entertained!

– I think he likes you. – No, he’s just being a nice cashier. – But he talked to you about apples for like 5 minutes. – He works in a supermarket. He knows a lot about apples.

– Your Tipsy is everyone else’s Normal.
(But the first one is me talking to myself)

I got Russell Brand’s book and I like it a lot. Flamboyance and I like that.
I got a sketchbook and pens (marker-pens) and a journal (a non-cutsey one) and they’re doing SO well. I write stuff I’d never post to any interweb.
My horoscope told me to not indulge too much in food and drink today. Ok…I’ll try and… remember… that.
The economy sucks, but that’s no excuse for things to not happen.
Must see The Hangover soon.
I get along with geminis. I find them familiar.
I couldn’t sleep last night, but it’s ok, for some reason. S’allllright.
I saw something nasty that I won’t go into.
I’m proud of things more. Hit command-save and feel like “Grr yeah.”
I’m indulgent, maybe. Maybe I’m horrible.
The guy next to me blasts broadway show tunes from his office and it’s kind of pleasant, you know?
Oh-my-god, years from now, I’m gonna look back to the times when I made lists like this and think… I don’t know what I’ll think.
She told me she wrote books for the two of us so that if anything happens to her, we’ll know the story behind everything in our house – we have a lot of arty and memory-stuff and I guess she’s worried I’ll throw it all away cause I do things like that, also she likes to keep stories going. I don’t like preserving things. I did at one time, but I found out it just holds you back, makes you heavier and water logged. I wanna read this book, though! Remembering all that stuff? That’s impressive. She’s like the Giver and I’m that kid who sees things but only a little then stops. Good book, The Giver, right?

Oh, I made a discovery. The word “nice” isn’t something to cringe over. The *compliment*, “nice” might be, but the word isn’t. The people who are that word aren’t as bad/boring as you’d think. They’re kinda pleasant, and kind, you know? “Kind.” Kind’s a good one, too.

Thoughts while I edit something

Posted in Uncategorized on June 6, 2009 by Anoush

All kinds of ugly and powerless and I hate most of you.