An Angry, Pretty list

“I’m a microwave master.”

“I feel sorry for people who say, “Booyah!”

“I don’t wanna hear about your diet. Hate yourself quietly, please.”

“Stop blaming your parents. (Unless they hit you.)”

“Everyone’s a little gay.”

“Your therapist has issues, too.”

“Make your kid stop screaming or I’ll do it for you.”

“Stop whining about America. Name one country who’s gotten it right.”

“If high school was the best time of your life, you’re probably due for your next facelift.”

“Double thanks to the people who ruined the word Feminist.”

“My Parents are on Facebook.”

“Hold this beehive for me?”

“How come no one says, “Bosom” anymore?”

“I use “Heart” in verb form. Also, my brain hasn’t fully developed.”

“Clueless gave you “Sporadic.'”

“Forget Makeup Sex. Try Angry Sex. Or what I call Almost-Makeup Sex.”

“The weather’s a gift for unoriginal conversationalists.”

“Fine. I’ll stay over.”

“You don’t have a shoe fetish. You just like shoes. What OTHER words do you not know the definition for?”

“Stop quoting Scarface.”


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