Rants that make sense

Crisp weather like this reminds me of middle school field trips – and how happy I am that I don’t have to do that anymore. I’d get so anxious and would have to prepare in advance. There was this ONE trip which took place yearly in the outdoors in the woods in Something-Something, Long Island with kids who wore cuter jeans who I felt were entitled to forget my name. (This is not about my name. Enough with that already.)


It was called Project Adventure and the only good part about it was that it fell on a Gym day < Another thing I’d need to mentally prepare for. (Gym was awful because I hated my body and hated having to take off the outfit I'd put so much thought into in the first place.) (I also didn’t have a locker until then or wore non-uniform clothes or had an actual school library or a cafeteria with a cook in it because of my different, prior school experience. Another time, though.) But Gym. I didn’t like sneakers or my own bellybutton and felt fine changing in front of girls then felt weird about feeling fine changing in front of girls. And these girls had a cuteness to their bodies and wore shorts that made sense and in class we’d all calculate our heart rates and our other imperfections.

*Sometimes photo day would also fall on a Gym day which was great because you could dress up and you wouldn’t have to change out of your stockings for a forty-minute class. And the NEXT day wouldn’t have any Gym in it, either. Like a holiday.

But Project Adventure-falling-on-a-Gym-day was not as thrilling. The place was grassy and woodsy and had different stations for Trust/group work activities. You know, like “stand in a circle and fall back and someone will supposedly catch you” or “Get through this maze with a lizard in your mouth, but don’t kill the lizard with your teeth.” There was never a lizard, but you know what I mean. The only thing I liked was when they put you in a harness and zipped you down a cord from one high pole to another. I liked it ‘cause no one had to pretend to catch me and I felt like flying. And flying’s…. ohhhh great.

At lunch, we'd sit there at the picnic tables in this chilly, nose-runny weather and I’d drink a soda and listen to the groundbreaking middle school chatter. I felt slow and out of style and sometimes wanted to pull one of them aside to get an honest opinion – from them of me ('cause I guess, it mattered.)

*Leaving* Project Adventure was one of my favorite bus rides. All of my pent-up anxiety would just stream down to my ankles, leaving me in some beautiful, half-conscious state. I wouldn’t Trust these kids but the next day had no Gym, so who cared. Soooooo the next time one of you whines, “I feel oooooooold,” go to this Trust place in Long Island and GO GET YOUNG.

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