Archive for December, 2009

Incredibly Vague New Years Resolutions

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 31, 2009 by Anoush

1. Don’t be afraid of THOSE PEOPLE.
2. Drink less drinks that contain THIS.
3. Iron THESE more.
4. Don’t yell THIS word out loud so much.
5. Eat more things that have THIS vitamin in it.
6. Do THIS less with people you fancy.
7. Be THIS with people.
8. Don’t do THIS to yourself.
9. Don’t say THESE KINDS OF THINGS to people ’cause they’ll believe you.
10. Initiate more of THESE.
11. Don’t be a THIS-eater.
12. Do THIS to more books on the fall of the Roman Empire.
13. Don’t roll THESE so much.
14. Do more THIS exercise.
15. Do THIS more on the train.
16. Stop doing THIS every time you say something genuine.
17. Stop worrying about whether or not you turn into THEM.
18. Stop throwing THESE away
19. Do THIS to your hair more. Yeah!
20. Do THIS when you see something you really like.

Look down

Posted in Uncategorized on December 29, 2009 by Anoush

This may be a little late in the game, but………………
CHANDLER’S FRIKKIN’ ANNOYING!

“Going to the Dr.” Narrated by Elmer Fudd

Posted in anxiety, random with tags on December 22, 2009 by Anoush

Yestuwday, Anoush went to the doctaw faw a physicuw. They wanted to dwaw bwud and do some tests. Thing is, hew veins awh vehwy vehwy hawd to find, so the nuwse moved the needuw awound, twying to find a pwace to dwaw bwud fwom. Anoush sqwuwmed while she lied down on the doctaw’s chaiw, gwabbing onto the end of it. The nuwse untied the stwappy wubbery thing from hew wight awm and tied it to hew left one. She gave her a squishy baw to squeeze and use to twansfew all hew anxiety and stwess into. It wukked. The nuwse swapped Anoush’s weft awm a wittle to get a vein to pop up. It did. Wuckiwy she was able to dwaw bwud fwom hew left awm.

When Anoush fuhst walked into the office, the nuwse asked if she had any food in hew system. She wepwied, “I onwy chewed gum.” (Twident Passionfwoot) And the nuwse wooked at hew in a disappwooving way and said, “Wemme ask the doctaw if it’s ok.”

Then Anoush said, “Awe you fucking kidding me?” She waited in the woom faw the nuwse to come back. It fewt wike she waited faw howuhws (hours).

Eventuawy, the nuwse came back and said it was awight. Thank Gawd.

At weast she took it wike a man. Stiw… doctaws fucking bwow.

Bewow, pwease wead the song I sing to wighten the mood.

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Hey, pornbodies!

Posted in anxiety, random with tags , , on December 15, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s the thing. I’ve loved Boris Karloff all my life. He is, dare I say, the man. He appears in a lot of my dreams.

Click Here to read a monologue unrelated to Boris Karloff. Unless he’s into the idea of narrating it.

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Some Weirdos For You

Posted in monsters with tags on December 10, 2009 by Anoush

More?

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Monologue

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on December 3, 2009 by Anoush

Here, read this.

SCENE
A man speaks:

“I don’t believe in witches – I never did and worrying about ‘em’s just a waste of time. And for the record, I rarely use words like, “Enchanted.” NOTHING’S enchanted – good and evil don’t exist. Jealousy does. I mean, every once in a while you’ll run into someone who wants your heart on a plate (or in a box) but for the most part, people just wanna be left alone. Here’s the thing – she’s WEIRD, ok? And it freaks me out. Also, speaking to animals as if they’re human is the dumbest thing in the world. That’s why when we found her passed out upstairs, I knew she’d be nothing but trouble.

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Project Extrovert

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 1, 2009 by Anoush

Here’s a survey.

Fill out this fun 20 Fresh New Questions Survey and then share it with your friends. (Outstanding!)

How do you think the world is going to end? I’m not sure. I sure as hell won’t be around for it. Or? Someone’s gonna be stupid and blow something up.

What do you think is the most annoying sound in the world?
1. Scraping silverware against a plate
2. Smacking your lips when you eat, wake up, or anything.
3. Scraping nails against a blackboard.
4. Crying children and the parents who had ’em.

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