“Going to the Dr.” Narrated by Elmer Fudd

Yestuwday, Anoush went to the doctaw faw a physicuw. They wanted to dwaw bwud and do some tests. Thing is, hew veins awh vehwy vehwy hawd to find, so the nuwse moved the needuw awound, twying to find a pwace to dwaw bwud fwom. Anoush sqwuwmed while she lied down on the doctaw’s chaiw, gwabbing onto the end of it. The nuwse untied the stwappy wubbery thing from hew wight awm and tied it to hew left one. She gave her a squishy baw to squeeze and use to twansfew all hew anxiety and stwess into. It wukked. The nuwse swapped Anoush’s weft awm a wittle to get a vein to pop up. It did. Wuckiwy she was able to dwaw bwud fwom hew left awm.

When Anoush fuhst walked into the office, the nuwse asked if she had any food in hew system. She wepwied, “I onwy chewed gum.” (Twident Passionfwoot) And the nuwse wooked at hew in a disappwooving way and said, “Wemme ask the doctaw if it’s ok.”

Then Anoush said, “Awe you fucking kidding me?” She waited in the woom faw the nuwse to come back. It fewt wike she waited faw howuhws (hours).

Eventuawy, the nuwse came back and said it was awight. Thank Gawd.

At weast she took it wike a man. Stiw… doctaws fucking bwow.

Bewow, pwease wead the song I sing to wighten the mood.

I don’t sing as wehw as Juwie Andwews but I’m gonna twy. (Clears throat):

Waindrops on woses and whiskers on kittens
Bwight coppuw kettwes and wawm woowen mittens
Bwown papuw packages tied up with stwings
These awe a few of my favowite things

Cweam cowored ponies and cwisp appwe stweudels
Dawbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with nooduws
Wiwd geese that fwy with the moon on thehw wings
These awe a few of my favowite things

Guws in white dwesses with blue satin sashes
Snowfwakes that stay on my nose and eyewashes
Siwver white winters that mewt into spwings
These awe a few of my favowite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feewing sad
I simpwy wemember my favowite things
And then I don’t feew so bad.

Thank you.
Thank you.

(Applause. Roses thrown onstage from the audience.)

Woses! My favowite!

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