ANOUSH talks to RAISIN

RAISIN. I’m getting old.

ANOUSH. Congratulations.

RAISIN. Why?

ANOUSH. Congratulations – you’re a whiner.

RAISIN. I_

ANOUSH. I mean, personally? *I* don’t wanna sit here and listen to you bitch. And if you want to no longer have any friends whatsoever, please! Go on.

RAISIN. Guess you’re right.

ANOUSH. No, you do not GUESS I’m right – I just am. Lemme ask you a question: Did you enjoy the Grape phase?

RAISIN. Well, I guess I_

ANOUSH. Be honest, c’mon.

RAISIN. I… DID spend a lot of time feeling anxious.

ANOUSH. NO ONE enjoys the Grape phase. Ask anyone. Every Grape phase in existence has been a series of not-good-times.

RAISIN. I spent a lot of time wishing I was seedless like the cool grapes.

ANOUSH. And there it is.

RAISIN. I was never really part of a bunch.

ANOUSH. Awesome, so what I’m saying makes sense to you.

RAISIN. Sort of. Like, in Fruit Cocktail, I used to lie and tell everyone I was a cherry.

ANOUSH. That’s ok, everyone wanted to be a cherry.

RAISIN. And I could’ve been, if I wanted. I was definitely red enough.

ANOUSH. No you couldn’t’ve. ‘Cause you’re NOT one.

RAISIN. Yeah.

ANOUSH. It’s ok.

RAISIN. Yeah.

ANOUSH. Anyway, cherries dry up just like anything else ’cause that’s just what happens.

RAISIN. Can I be honest?

ANOUSH. Please.

RAISIN. I’m actually kind of relieved I’m a raisin. Like, the things I want to do come to me a lot easier now that I’m more mature. Like, I can be more of a nut now without worrying so much about what I look like.

ANOUSH. Exactly.

RAISIN. It was really hard to go out there and just be natural.

ANOUSH. Still is sometimes.

RAISIN. I mean, I had this wild cousin who’d always invite me out to the vineyard, but, it was never really my thing. I mean, I go once in a while, now, but back then, not really. Sometimes I think – I shoulda just been more of a vineyard grape.

ANOUSH. Nah.

RAISIN. Also, you always saw images of what you were SUPPOSED to look like and those images were always so unrealistic. I mean, REAL grapes aren’t purple, you know? In real life, if you saw a grape that was purple, you should be worried – not, like intrigued.

ANOUSH. I agree.

RAISIN. But I realized that now all those seedless Grapes just stick together now and never leave the box. Either THAT or they walk around wearing cinnamon all the time like they’re hiding something.

ANOUSH. I know, it’s sad.

RAISIN. Yeah, and I’m not a “cinnamon” raisin. I mean, just last week I was talking to this gummy worm and I never ever thought I’d ever talk to candy – or consider myself candy.

ANOUSH. YOU? Talking to candy?

RAISIN. I know. I wanna mix more. Shelf life’s too short, you know?

ANOUSH. Definitely.

RAISIN. And I really want to work in the movies. So I was thinking if I had any friends in Chocolate who’d be interested in the idea of collaborating, it would totally be sweet… And if not right away, we could start by working at the counter and sharing ideas.

ANOUSH. Good plan.

RAISIN. Yeah? I mean it seems pretty sensible. I’m always worried people will say I’m a handful.

ANOUSH. Eh, don’t worry. Just don’t keep on saying you’re old.

RAISIN. I’d assume that fruits who whine about that aren’t really much fun to hang around with.

ANOUSH. I agree.

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