Archive for the movies Category

MAHN-ro

Posted in girls, Happiness, movies, random with tags on July 20, 2009 by Anoush

As a kid, when you get along better with adults, you learn at a young age that the world is bigger than you probably think. (Thank God.) Also, you learn that (most) people your age are idiots. When you’re a kid, I mean. When you’re a kid.

And NOW I’ll tell you about how I learned about suicide.

I was in kindergarten and all I wanted to do was meet Marilyn Monroe. Only to tell her how great I thought she was and that I knew all her songs by heart and that no one in school understood me. Aren’t school kids so dumb, Ms. Monroe? She’d wear that see-through sparkly dress from Some Like It Hot and we’d hang out, one day. I’d never mention my favorite movies with kids at school just ‘cause I couldn’t afford to be any weirder. Even the Armenian kids in weird-Armenian day school thought I was weird and that didn’t help the old self-image. Marilyn Monroe would understand.

I learned a lot of things on the bus. I saw a person naked; homework got thrown out the window; and was called ‘potato’ a lot in Turkish. It wasn’t cute. The guy who called me that was big and scary and I’d get scared of buses until he got suspended (for something else.) Then there was her. She was just MEAN. She’d boss everyone around and say things like, “Well, OBVIOUSLY, Anoush!” And that made me feel weird. Then there was him. He’d talk about Married With Children episodes he’d (be allowed to) watch and say things like “Do sex” a lot instead of “have sex” and I wanted to tell him that that was linguistically incorrect, but I was a polite kid. Tangent: My favorite getting-back moment on the bus was when she said the new girl was a lesbo. I was the only one who didn’t laugh and they said “Do you know what a lesbo is, Anoush?” “It’s a woman who likes having sex with women more than men. Do YOU know what a lesbo is?” I felt like I was surrounded by people who assumed they knew more than everyone else. Who had no concept that there are things out there much bigger than them. And if they DID have any idea, they didn’t even know to maybe…errr I don’t know, NOT LAUGH about it.

I was the last one to get dropped off and D was the stop before me. We lived in the same town, got along really well; and had a good fifteen minutes of peace together at the end of the busride. The subject of movies came up and I felt like the setting was safe enough to talk Some Like it Hot, and if she thought I was weird, she was quiet and wouldn’t tell anyone. I told her the whole plot. Quickly, of course but was detailed about it. She laughed a lot. She actually seemed interested. I never thought Some Like it Hot, D, and I could ever be in the same room together. Til I said, “Wouldn’t it be great to meet her?”

But you can’t meet her. – Why not. – Cause she’s dead. – No, she’s not. – Yeah she is. Ask my Dad. – When did she die, then? – Before we were born.

(I was sad but embarrassed more because this seemed like common knowledge I just wasn’t aware of. Earth is flat; Armenians think it’s funny to namecall in Turkish; and Marilyn Monroe’s dead.

How, then? Did someone kill her? – She killed herself. She also did bad stuff. (Huh?)

The bus stopped and D stepped out and waved g’bye from her front lawn. I kinda waved sorta.

First my grandfather, now Marilyn Monroe. My face was paralyzed. My Dad opened the front door and I had a million questions for him.

My dad never pronounced her name correctly. It was always Marlon MAHN-ro. I found out Marlon MAHN-ro was never happy and Marlon MAHN-ro wasn’t always smiling like she did in movies. “You know how WE are sad?” (Yes.) “Marlon MAHN-ro was a lot sadder.” Then he said, “And no one helped her.”

I should’ve invited her over and cheered her up, I thought. Ah, right, I wasn’t born yet. It was ALWAYS me not-being-born-yet. It happened a lot with stuff.

Years later, in second grade we had a dress-as-someone-you-admire-and-do-a-report assignment, and the librarian asked my mom if she was SURE she’d want her daughter doing a report on Marilyn Monroe. Ahh, the old patronize. Ehhh, depression-hopelessness-death whatev-SEXISBAD!) What an idiot. She would’ve gotten along real well with the schoolbus kids.

Overdoing it.

Posted in girls, movies, random on April 22, 2009 by Anoush

Ok, so the reason I’m doing this is because I hate the word, “Bitch.” Hate it because I LOVE it. It’s a great word but its overuse makes me hate it. It’s become so second-nature to everyone that it’s losing its… flair, pow, bam, you know?
Like,
“Oooh Nice dress!”
“H&M bitches!”
(Ehhhh…. cringe… not worth it.)

Here’s an example of POW/BAM (the good kind):
“Wow you get to leave in a half hour.”
“Yeah… I was here since 10.”
“Cause you’re a bitch!”
“HAHAHAHAHAAHAHA… Yes.”
(See? So much better!)

What I’ve done as an exercise is taken a bunch of TV show (and some movie) titles and substituted BITCH for certain words. Kind of like, when something makes you uncomfortable, throw yourself in it and see what happens! Ok, Here we go!

Saturday Night BITCH
How to Marry a BITCH
BITCH you think you got talent
Good BITCHES
Family BITCHES
Saved by the BITCH
The Barefoot BITCH
Martha Stewart BITCHING
Step BITCH Step
BITCH House
BITCH Prince of Bel Air
A BITCH of Their Own
Never BITCH Kissed
BITCH Like it Hot
BITCHfest
Deuce Bigelow Male BITCH
The BITCHlot
SuperBITCH
The BITCHheads
101 BITCHES
BITCHES (Beaches)
Isn’t She BITCH?
Mad BITCH
BITCHED (Scrooged)
The Sixth BITCH
Riding In Cars with BITCHES
Fried Green BITCHES
Mystic BITCH
The BITCH Who wasn’t there
BITCH (Psycho)
The BITCHcrashers
Keeping up with the BITCHians
Gossip BITCHES
Whose BITCH is it Anyway?
BITCHless
BITCH At Nite (tv channel)
Family BITCH
American BITCH
Waiting for BITCH
BITCH Bill Vol. 1
BITCH Bill Vol. 2
Sanford and BITCH
Ordinary BITCHES
How the BITCH stole Christmas
A BITCH Story
About a BITCH
Ferris Beuller’s Day BITCH
Pee Wee’s BITCH Adventure
Notting BITCH
9 BITCHES
28 BITCHES Later
Grumpier old BITCHES
Wayne’s BITCH
Sister BITCH II: Back in the habit
The Breakfast BITCH

😉
(I think it’s working.)

It was on TV the other night

Posted in arguments, movies, Uncategorized with tags , , on April 11, 2009 by Anoush

An argument I should’ve had 10+ years ago, but I’m having it now.

There’s something about Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo and Juliet that rubs me the funny way. Here’s what I liked from it: Clare Danes (and every face expression she makes, Mercutio, Tybalt, the nurse and… that’s it. I will always have a fascination with Capulets in general, in whichever version. But

Sometimes when a classical piece is interpreted a certain new, i’m-gonna-say “Far out” way, I develop weirded-out goosebumps. I’m not frightened by change and new things – that’s not it. I just didn’t find it modern. Was it trying to be modern or was it just trying to be another kooky reality? Felt the same way when I watched Ethan Hawke as Hamlet sitting at a laundromat. Is this cool? Or is this Weeeeeird? I DON’T KNOW!

How I relate to this play:
I always felt Juliet was better off with Mercutio
I always liked Tybalt (too much)
I had difficulty seeing Romeo as a love interest
I always loved Mercutio (And kind of wanted to be him.)

Is it COOL? or is it weird? Do so many girls claim to love this version because they love Shakespeare or the “Leo thing?” Would the movie still be so well-liked if Montague and Capulet were played by Carl Winslow and Patrick Duffy? (actually maybe) But Shakespeare is dark and cold and goosebumpy and funny, so maybe this was trying to be THAT in its own way. Or another instance of me afraid to like something so many other people like. OR me being afraid to say I DON’T like something. Some parts I fall head over heels for and other parts I just roll my eyes. I had an English teacher who passionately banged the top of her desk saying, “The guy was a GENIUS.” and I believed her (cause he is/was.) Plus she slammed the table when she said it which I will always love and will remember. And not “he was a genius” in the way that artists describe their idles. “OMG so-and-so is a genius.” <- your artist isn’t a GENIUS. Your artist is GOOD. He’s just very crazy and awesome, but he’s not a genius. Shakespeare, though? IS a genius. (slam!) He knew exactly what he was doing. And dirty – he was so dirty! When I think of Shakespeare I think of all kinds of dirt under fingernails and greasy hair and a bunch of “I don’t have time for you right now, woman. Fetch me a quill.” I think of not-always-great-writing that turns into Great writing. (Can’t explain that.) And there were other writers back then just as good as him, but he kind of…won.

If he were around to see all these adaptations, he might react in these five possible ways:
– Gee, guys I had no idea you liked me this much
or?
-Damn RIGHT you’re still doing my stuff. YOU heard her English teacher – I’m a genius!
or?
-This is weirding me out, guys.
or?
-Ooooh I LIKE her… (a la Steve Buscemi/Wedding Singer in regards to Clare Danes.)
or?
-Who’s that dynamic boy with the smokey voice (I get the sense he can do a lot of different voices) who seems overdramatic but probably only because the part of Tybalt calls for it? I feel like I could watch him for HOURS and hours doing some solo performance piece in some black box theater downtown. (Me too, Shakespeare. His name is John and he’s a Leguizamo. And he’s my genius.)